Featured, Motherhood

Emotions of going back to work full time

September 5, 2014
Back to work

Being a career minded person I decided to take off 9 months maternity leave, looking back now I should have taken a year. You know that the day is coming and suddenly it’s 3 months away, then it’s 2 weeks and before you know it it’s here! You know the feeling you get from a two week holiday and those thoughts whilst in bed on the Sunday night knowing you are going back to work on the Monday? – now times that by a million!

Nothing can possibly describe the thoughts and feelings of a mother going back to work after having time off for maternity leave with their little one. It certainly is a mixed bag of emotions; the guilt, the missing, the unknown and wondering if you will remember everything. Will my little girl know who I am anymore? will she like the nursery ladies more than me? Will she fall over and need me for cuddles? will she miss me as much as I miss her! will she take her milk ok?

Going back to work full time was hard. The first few days were spent mostly in the ladies crying and trying to compose myself and restraining the urge to call the nursery to see how she was doing. Nobody understood what was going on in my head those first few weeks, why should they, they hadn’t just had a baby and been through the biggest emotional journey of theirs lives.

She was of course fine, she has made great little friends, experienced so many new things, touch, taste and playing in the Forest School and in fact it was just me that had the problem and worry, where as Jessica was experiencing everything new for the first time and absolutely loving it!

She has been in the nursery now a year and it certainly has turned her into a confident little girl who is happy to navigate any playground, stand her ground and share toys. She has learnt so much there and the time with other children she has experienced is something I could never have given her.

Fortunately I moved on to pastures new and am now a contract Graphic Designer, which works out better for me and Jessica and the time we do spend together is so special now.

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2 Comments

  • Reply Jenni Kingsley September 11, 2014 at 1:51 pm

    Hi Clare, just want to let you know how much I love your honest mother blog, it is such a fantastic, lovely idea. A beautiful way to capture your memories, special moments, feelings – high and low, to create a living record of motherhood.
    I read your piece about the emotional trauma of returning to work and I cried. It was a long time ago but I still remember how I felt, the awful wrench and the sadness at leaving Georgi. However, just as you and Jessica experienced, she was fine. Like Jessica, she quickly made friends, learned many things and was a confident, happy little person as is your dear little girl.
    I think the best thing we can ever do for our children is to ensure they know they are loved unconditionally and to give them the space to grow and become the person they truly are. You are doing just that Clare and you should feel very proud. 🙂
    Lots of love to you all sweetie. Xx

  • Reply admin September 11, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    Thank you so much for your kind words. x

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